


Long and Winding Road

by somnolentblue



Category: Princess Bride (1987)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-26
Updated: 2010-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-14 02:59:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnolentblue/pseuds/somnolentblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buttercup adapts to a life of adventure and makes a decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long and Winding Road

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kouredios](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kouredios/gifts).



> Many thanks to Moontyger for the incredibly quick and helpful beta!

In the month that they had been adventuring, Buttercup had observed and/or participated in seven death-defying feats of bravery,1 six botched kidnapping attempts,2 five nights in actual inns,3 four noteworthy kisses,4 three attempts to cook,5 two border crossings,6 one massive fight,7 and countless rhymes.

She contemplated her recent past and decided that certain changes were in order. Although she did not seek out another massive fight, one did, nonetheless, ensue when she declared her intentions.8 After she won the debate, she sat down on the ground, pulled out some of her precious supply of paper and a book to use as a makeshift desk, and pinned a missive.9 Inigo agreed to carry her message, and it took him two weeks to get to Florin and back.10 She slit open the return letter with her tiny blade, and she smiled when she saw Valerie's response to her query.11

Following Valerie's instructions, she concocted a dye and applied it to her hair.12 She bid Inigo, Fezzik, and Westley farewell, promising Westley that she would return as soon as she'd learned what she needed to learn.13 She mounted Fiona and went back into Florin.14 One week, two close calls with the Brute Squad, and three sleepless nights of counting stars later, she knocked on Valerie and Max's door.15

"Hello, Mistress Valerie," she said when the door swung open. "I've come to be your apprentice."16

* * *

1 Fezzik performed two of the deeds, one of which notably involved water. Their noble steeds exhibited astounding bravery twice, and Buttercup still winced when she thought about what sweet Fiona and noble Florian had undergone. Personally, she would classify Inigo and Westley's decisions as pure stupidity instead of death-defying bravery, but she couldn't deny that they ought to be dead or that their plan had worked. As for herself, well, when being held hostage by a dragon and having one's other option being "or death," it made the decision to give the dragon a royal dressing down and talking one's way to freedom quite easy.

2 Ruffians had tried to kidnap Buttercup three times, presuming, perhaps not inaccurately, that someone wearing a royal wedding dress, no matter how tattered, was worth quite a bit in ransom gold. After two days she had prevailed upon the others to donate clothing so that she could garb herself in a practical manner. Unsurprisingly, no one tried to kidnap a woman dressed in leather and accompanied by three disreputable brigands. Twice, idiots had tried to kidnap the Dread Pirate Roberts, thinking that it would allow them to become the new Dread Pirate Markus or Dread Pirate Augustus. Westley quite patiently explained that he was no longer the Dread Pirate Roberts and left them tied in such a way that, if they had requisite skills to support their ambitions, they'd be able to free themselves with a few hours of applied effort. Once, someone had tried to kidnap Inigo Montoya, and Buttercup was still uncertain how this had ended up with a temporary apprentice swordswoman, Violet, joining their camp until more suitable arrangements - namely, placing her with someone in possession of an extra bedroll - could be made.

3 There would have been more, but Buttercup had Standards. Sleeping in an inn with dubious bedding was Not Acceptable. She expected that her Standards would become Former Standards before the year was out, but, in the meantime, she clung to the remnants of her recent life and eschewed the company of bedbugs and linens of dubious cleanliness.

4 Buttercup was hoping for a higher number of noteworthy kisses, given the number of years apart they had to make up for, but it turned out that they were work and quite sapping to someone who was recovering from being mostly dead and the unfortunate and unmentionable side-effects of Miracle Max's pill. Westley pointed out that kisses didn't have to be noteworthy to be enjoyable or meaningful, and, upon reflection, she agreed with his assessment.

5 After experiencing everyone's attempts at cookery, Inigo quickly commandeered all of their foodstuffs and kettles. He claimed that he loved it and that the knife skills requisite for chopping vegetables were a natural extension of his swordskills; Buttercup didn't inquire too closely about where, exactly, said knives had been in the past.

6 They quickly fled to Guilder, but it turned out that Guilder was more than happy to recognize Humperdinck's charges against them and remand them into justice in the name of monarchical solidarity. However, Ruritania, which was on the other side of Guilder, bit its thumb Florin and Guilder, making it a much preferable destination for their merry band. She had never realized that humiliating a prince could result in charges of High Treason.

7 Buttercup was happy that Westley thought her breasts were perfect, but she thought it would behoove her to learn to defend their perfectness herself, even if she risked marring them in the process. A scar or two could be rather dashing; she certainly had no objection to Westley's.

8 The first massive fight lasted two days. It involved the hurling of insults, the raising of voices, and the throwing of vegetables, which started accidentally, with an errant spoon and a stumble, but continued deliberately. (Inigo chastised both of them for wasting valuable foodstuffs, and they both swore solemn oaths to never do such a thing again; however, food fights were fun, and thereafter they would never duck out when the pub got rowdy.) The second massive fight lasted half an hour. It involved absolute statements (Westley's) followed by impeccable logic (Buttercup's).

9 After her first full day wearing pants instead of skirts and dresses, Buttercup began to compose a list of why trousers were much preferable as garb when traveling. Ease of riding and their protective quality came first and second on her list, but sitting on the ground and leaning against buildings or trees came third. (Although it must be admitted that she missed the ease of detours into the shrubbery while wearing skirts - trousers involved an awkward balancing act; an unexpected bonus of her increasing exercise was greater ease when balancing.)

10 They alternated cooking duties while he was gone, although eventually it became clear that, in Inigo's absence, they would be better served if they expended some of their precious coin to eat in pubs whenever possible. This decision was validated when even Fezzik's strength proved insufficient to crumble their increasingly stale bread into manageable bits. Buttercup didn't want to see another gently bruised apple for a month.

11 She never should have left the palace without her favorite dagger tucked away somewhere. She knew better - that's why she'd fought to keep it, even if fighting blades weren't appropriate possessions for princesses - but here she was, left with only a sword and the equivalent of a sharp toothpick.

12 Having muddy brown hair was much less conspicuous than shining blonde tresses. Buttercup only wished that she hadn't dyed her hands and forehead as well. However, Valerie's prescience had included a recipe, albeit a complicated one, for a solvent. She endured the rotten egg smell with stoicism, and she grinned at the rhymes Fezzik offered as commentary.

13 The kiss she and Westley shared when they parted qualified as noteworthy. It surpassed their kiss before the Fire Swamp, and it's possible that it edged out their kiss after escaping Humperdinck.

14 She trusted that her disguise would allow her to travel incognito, and she had to admit that she derived some small pleasure at thumbing her nose at Humperdinck in his own realm. However, she never would have done it had she known of safer alternatives. Unfortunately, individuals of Valerie's skill were very rare, and she was determined to learn healing and witchery from the best.

15 It turned out that the Florin Brute Squad had become a semi-professional force, and they frowned on hapless travelers sleeping in under the stars. Buttercup doubted that the edict against camping would last, given the high number of people who traveled through Florin with unreliable funding. In the meantime, she ducked the Squad, brushed the leaves out of her hair very thoroughly in the morning, and traveled as far as she could each day.

16 Buttercup studied under Valerie's tutelage for five years. She was Valerie's last apprentice, and some, in future years, would say that she was the best, surpassing even Miracle Max in her skill. Unlike their last separation, she and Westley enjoyed a regular correspondence as Apprentice Buttercup became Healer Buttercup and the Westley roamed the land as the Rogue in Black with Inigo and Fezzik. (They opted not to utilize epithets, finding it a pointless and somewhat pretentious practice. Inigo's scars and Fezzik's size identified them to the knowledgeable, and their names wouldn't have meant anything to the ignorant.) When Westley and Buttercup reunited for the third and final time, she was accompanied by Violet, Inigo's once-apprentice, and Augus, a wizard. He was accompanied by no one, although they had made plans to meet up with Inigo and Fezzik in a week for old time's sake. (They had both retired from adventuring; Inigo dabbled in pottery, and Fezzik produced the best wine in five kingdoms.) No records exist about the kiss that followed.


End file.
